So, where to start?
I've always heard that any story should start at the beginning. Sounds good to me.
So there I was, sitting in my office, doing my usual thing while waiting for dinner to finish cooking; reading email, playing
games, shopping online. Joey (my husband) comes strolling down the hall telling me, "Bear (my nickname), I've got a
lump on my chest I want you to look at, I've had it for a while and now it's starting to bother me." Joey tends to be a bit of a
hypochondriac and I'm thinking it's probably and ingrown hair or something. He walks in and says, "Here, take a look at
this." I can't see anything obvious and I'm thinking he's nuts but then he says, "Feel it." Hmmmm, he's got a lump about
the size of a small egg near his left nipple. I'm still thinking it must just be a cyst or something and then he says, "And look
what's happening to the nipple, it's turning inward." Now I'm officially freaked out! I know that an inverted nipple is a
possible sign of breast cancer. My gut is telling me one thing but my voice, in what I hope is a calm tone, is telling him,
"Don't worry Joey, it's most likely just a cyst, I get them all the time. "I'll call the doctor's office tomorrow and make an
appointment for you to have it looked at."
Off to the doctor..
Life moved at light speed after that night. Two day's later we were sitting in the doctor's office. The doc said not to worry
but I want you to get a mammogram and an ultrasound and I'm going to make an appointment with a surgeon for you to
have the lump removed. This was a Wednesday. Before we left the office the surgery had been scheduled for Monday. I
burned up my cell phone that afternoon trying to get an appointment with the radiologist before Monday. I managed to
get the mammogram scheduled for the next afternoon, in another city. We couldn't believe this was all happening so fast!
Now I know why, but I'll get to that later.
On Thursday I picked up Joey from work and headed down the road. At this point the conversation was going back and
forth between him saying, "I know I've got cancer and I'm going to die" to "I can't believe I have to have a mammogram,
men don't have mammograms!" I spent the drive trying to soothe his fears and explaining what was going to happen.
We got there a little early and Joey sat there, white knuckled, while I filled out the paperwork. All I could say was that
everything was going to be fine, don't worry. I've told you that he is a bit of a hypochondriac but I've haven't said that's he's
usually a pillar of strength, that's he's a man's man, six feet tall, works out all the time, strong and muscular, normally the
picture of health. I just knew (or so I kept telling myself) that he couldn't possibly have breast cancer.
The nurse called him to go back. I kissed him and told him again not to worry. I sat down for a few minutes and then went
up to the window to make arrangements to have the results faxed to the surgeon and his primary care doc. While I was
still standing there, he came back out. I was thinking, wow, that was really fast, until I say his face. I can't begin to explain
the look of utter devastation. He was literally as white as a sheet, almost on the verge of tears and couldn't say anything at
all. The nurse looked up and asked if he had had his ultrasound done. Then another nurse handed her a piece of paper
and she just said, "Oh, I see." I knew then that his worst fears had come true.
And so the Nightmare began...
We sat in the office another ten or fifteen minutes. Joey still wouldn't or couldn't say anything. We got the films and the
report and walked out to the car.
We sat in the parking lot for quite a while. The radiologist had told him he couldn't be positive but he was 90% sure about
the diagnosis of cancer. I can't really tell you at this point what was said but I know it involved a lot of anger, crying and
denial. In retrospect, I recognize the stages of emotion, but we were no where near the acceptance part.
A Slight Interruption
Nothing like a little bout of viral meningitis to slow things down and the fact that this story is incredibly hard to tell. Slight
interruption.... what was I thinking?!?!?! Five months later and life is sort of back on track.
Life goes on
So, here we are, five months later. We made it through the illness, the holidays, the death of my father in law in February
and my hubby and I are still hanging in there.
I left you all hanging out in the parking lot after the trip to the radiologist. Sure am glad it was a mild winter!
Needless to say, it was a very long ride home. We were both really freaked and definitely going back and forth between
anger and denial.
A few days later we were at the hospital for the biopsy. Since you came to this site you already know what the results were.
Joey was such a trip. They had only used twilight sleep on him and he woke up just as the surgeon was finishing and
actually asked to see the tumor that had been removed!
I've always heard that any story should start at the beginning. Sounds good to me.
So there I was, sitting in my office, doing my usual thing while waiting for dinner to finish cooking; reading email, playing
games, shopping online. Joey (my husband) comes strolling down the hall telling me, "Bear (my nickname), I've got a
lump on my chest I want you to look at, I've had it for a while and now it's starting to bother me." Joey tends to be a bit of a
hypochondriac and I'm thinking it's probably and ingrown hair or something. He walks in and says, "Here, take a look at
this." I can't see anything obvious and I'm thinking he's nuts but then he says, "Feel it." Hmmmm, he's got a lump about
the size of a small egg near his left nipple. I'm still thinking it must just be a cyst or something and then he says, "And look
what's happening to the nipple, it's turning inward." Now I'm officially freaked out! I know that an inverted nipple is a
possible sign of breast cancer. My gut is telling me one thing but my voice, in what I hope is a calm tone, is telling him,
"Don't worry Joey, it's most likely just a cyst, I get them all the time. "I'll call the doctor's office tomorrow and make an
appointment for you to have it looked at."
Off to the doctor..
Life moved at light speed after that night. Two day's later we were sitting in the doctor's office. The doc said not to worry
but I want you to get a mammogram and an ultrasound and I'm going to make an appointment with a surgeon for you to
have the lump removed. This was a Wednesday. Before we left the office the surgery had been scheduled for Monday. I
burned up my cell phone that afternoon trying to get an appointment with the radiologist before Monday. I managed to
get the mammogram scheduled for the next afternoon, in another city. We couldn't believe this was all happening so fast!
Now I know why, but I'll get to that later.
On Thursday I picked up Joey from work and headed down the road. At this point the conversation was going back and
forth between him saying, "I know I've got cancer and I'm going to die" to "I can't believe I have to have a mammogram,
men don't have mammograms!" I spent the drive trying to soothe his fears and explaining what was going to happen.
We got there a little early and Joey sat there, white knuckled, while I filled out the paperwork. All I could say was that
everything was going to be fine, don't worry. I've told you that he is a bit of a hypochondriac but I've haven't said that's he's
usually a pillar of strength, that's he's a man's man, six feet tall, works out all the time, strong and muscular, normally the
picture of health. I just knew (or so I kept telling myself) that he couldn't possibly have breast cancer.
The nurse called him to go back. I kissed him and told him again not to worry. I sat down for a few minutes and then went
up to the window to make arrangements to have the results faxed to the surgeon and his primary care doc. While I was
still standing there, he came back out. I was thinking, wow, that was really fast, until I say his face. I can't begin to explain
the look of utter devastation. He was literally as white as a sheet, almost on the verge of tears and couldn't say anything at
all. The nurse looked up and asked if he had had his ultrasound done. Then another nurse handed her a piece of paper
and she just said, "Oh, I see." I knew then that his worst fears had come true.
And so the Nightmare began...
We sat in the office another ten or fifteen minutes. Joey still wouldn't or couldn't say anything. We got the films and the
report and walked out to the car.
We sat in the parking lot for quite a while. The radiologist had told him he couldn't be positive but he was 90% sure about
the diagnosis of cancer. I can't really tell you at this point what was said but I know it involved a lot of anger, crying and
denial. In retrospect, I recognize the stages of emotion, but we were no where near the acceptance part.
A Slight Interruption
Nothing like a little bout of viral meningitis to slow things down and the fact that this story is incredibly hard to tell. Slight
interruption.... what was I thinking?!?!?! Five months later and life is sort of back on track.
Life goes on
So, here we are, five months later. We made it through the illness, the holidays, the death of my father in law in February
and my hubby and I are still hanging in there.
I left you all hanging out in the parking lot after the trip to the radiologist. Sure am glad it was a mild winter!
Needless to say, it was a very long ride home. We were both really freaked and definitely going back and forth between
anger and denial.
A few days later we were at the hospital for the biopsy. Since you came to this site you already know what the results were.
Joey was such a trip. They had only used twilight sleep on him and he woke up just as the surgeon was finishing and
actually asked to see the tumor that had been removed!
This is a work in progress.... but will be continued......
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
 |  |  |  |  |  |
Copyright © 2005-2010, Out of the Shadow of Pink, Ltd. All rights reserved.